I have been checking craigslist.org several times a week for possible part-time/temporary jobs. Nothing has really turned up....nothing that wouldn't require me to take some computer courses, anyway. That's always a possibility, but more down the road. Anyway, I was really hoping to find a seasonal/holiday job, though it may be too soon. I went to the newspaper's job website and searched for part-time temp/seasonal jobs. Macy's is already hiring, so I filled out an online application for a retail support type job - not selling, but stocking, moving merchandise, etcetera. I have done the retail thing before and I don't really want to do it again.

I am also going to think about the stores nearby where I'd like to work, make a list of them, and poke around their websites to see if I can apply online. There's a Borders a few miles away, and they have an online job application system. I'd love to work there over the holidays.

I probably need to get a few references lined up, though. I'm feeling really out of touch with this whole job thing - I haven't worked at a REAL job since, well, almost exactly nine years ago (my son turns nine on Monday!). There are at least two people at Michael's school (where I am PTA president) that I know will give me good references if I ask.

I hate to sound superior, and I really don't mean to, but in places like Macy's, I'm amazed that some of those folks have managed to apply for and get jobs. I keep thinking, if some of those clerks can get hired, surely I can. I am reliable, organized, reasonably intelligent and articulate, hardworking and detail-oriented. My resume, though, may make me look both seriously underqualified (not having had paid employment, other than eBay sales, in nine years) AND overqualified (all my work experience is in a professional office).

I just want to work a couple days a week, and on the weekends, through the holidays. I NEED to feel like I have some control over our family finances. I have had enough with living paycheck to paycheck, putting groceries on the credit card, and facing the fact that I am going to have to dip into our retirement fund in order to pay our property taxes in December.

Face it, DH is never going to be a go-getter, aggressive, money-earner. When I hear jokes about rich lawyers, I just want to laugh. Or throw up.

He wants to stay in the realm of the intellectual...he has zero interest in the business side. Court arguments? Loves it. Schmoozing clients? Hates it. Unfortuately, the latter is what gets you money in his field. He does it only reluctantly, and I think it shows. He hasn't gotten a new client in several years, and his ONE fairly big client happens to owe him $10,000 right now. Even when they do pay up, he only gets 15% of that, under the terms of the agreement with the person he works for. As I've said before, his salary pays the bills and his percentage pays for the extras, and there have been very few extras in the last several months. He also has a guy he's doing something for and not charging. I guess he kind of HAS to...he's a guy who's done a bunch of work on our house before, and he's a decent guy. Lee also did another paid legal matter for him recently, but way undercharged him.

Things are tight, getting tighter, and it SUCKS.

He tends to get grumpy when there's nothing exciting to eat...or when I tell him he needs to make his six pack of beer last...dude, it's not exactly fun for me either to have to be imaginative with basic groceries every single night. I know we can't afford the nicer, wider variety of food I used to buy and cook with. And no, we can't afford to eat out either. But taking on yet more FREE legal work isn't putting those groceries back on the table. It's like he's not even trying to do anything about it.....just moping around feeling defeated, snapping at the kids, sitting by himself reading a book. NOT spending more time working. NOT out trying to get clients.

It's not that he's lazy. It's that he's not in the least motivated to be successful, monetarily speaking, at his career. He does a good job. He's smart and likeable and has a lot of experience. He just wants to do his legal thing, have someone else take care of all of the details, and have a nice comfortable paycheck direct-deposited.

And I gotta say, being at the mercy, so to speak, of his funk about developing business, is getting very old. Here I am, out of the workforce for nine years, and my skills are obsolete. I don't regret staying home with my kids at all. DH never "made" me, or tried to control what I did at all. It was our choice, and I wanted to stay home. If money were no object, I'd not be looking for a job at all. But I can't keep on feeling like we are barely keeping ourselves afloat and not do anything about it. I have to have some control over this situation. I feel like there is a very thin financial line we could easily cross over, with one push from a disaster, illness, or major domestic catastrophe.

For all I know, thousands of people apply for these kinds of retail jobs and I may never hear back. But I have to try....I have to do something....I am the kind of worker that employers want. I am willing to learn, I love to learn, I will go the extra mile to help people. I've multitasked, run a household for nine years, volunteered in numerous capacities, served on our neighborhood board for three years, organized & ran the preschool library for three years, and am serving a second term as PTA president. I promise I am a person worth considering for a job.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.